I was having my daily debrief with my best friend and we were discussing my blog. I shared a recent comment that a fellow ex-Mormon left for me about loosing sight of why I left the LDS church in the first place. She shared with me that my blog used to be about what God was doing in my life, how He was shaping and changing me, and now it was more about the things going on in my life.
She might very well understand why I have been more and more hesitant to blog about religion lately (unless pissed off as of recent), what God is specifically doing, what I feel moved in, etc etc - but others might not because they are not my daily confidants like she is. So I thought, without going to an uncomfortable place - I would share what God has been doing in my life as of late.
God has been providing for us. I was totally fed up with being overweight and unhealthy - and then we went and Steve picked out a dog (yes Steve) that was high energy that needed to be run, not walked twice a day. Guess who got stuck with that responsibility? Me. That was such a blessing. It gave me time with God every morning and evening. Three months later - I am 30 lbs less. I am healthier (even though I'm sick right now). And I've been able to work through a fear of large breed dogs that I've carried around for years. God provided.
I was ready to go back to work, but with one car and the economy what it is - it looked like I'd be stuck working one day a week at my parents' store forever. Then, we were given a minivan (wow) totally and completly free the weekend before I started working full time - 40 hours - at their store. I get to work early enough that I come home early afternoons and have the entire afternoon and evenings with the kids. It's awesome. God provided.
I am entering a period in my life when I am fed up with all talk and study of religion (a rare for me considering how much I LOVE it). But just honestly want and need to distance myself and focus less on doctrine and more on just one on one time with God. I frankly and honestly do not give a rat's behind on if the Godhead or Trinity are correct. I do not give a rat's behind if it's right to be monotheistic or polytheistic. Want to know where I am with God? I'm not into semantics which is where I think so many religions are. If Jesus lead by spirit and heart of the Law and not by letter of the Law, what the heck are we doing? If the spirit behind His teachings are to follow Him and not be wishy washy or to deny Him in front of others - then I think we are taking the letter of the Law and not the Spirit of the teaching when we condemn others for not reading into the Bible what we are reading into the Bible. I am reaching a place of longing for unity and peace within the Christian body - meaning all Christians - all who profess Christ as their Lord and Savior. Does that mean He will look the same to all Christians? No. And that's okay by me because I am not their Lord and Savior. And I am okay with this.
I am conservative in my own understanding of the scriptures but liberal in my application because in the end, I am no one's White Throne Judge. My friend reminds me that the Catholic church may say who is in heaven - but they never say who is in hell. Many Protestants could take a lesson in this wisdom.What is God doing in my life? He is leading me to an intense desire for unity and not dissention which is why my dealbreakers are what they are. He is leading me to a place of longing for peace - peace that I felt in the extreme as a Latter Day Saint and He is leading me to a place of not wanting labels (polytheism, monotheism, Godhead, Trinity, etc etc) but just initimacy with Him and His presence. All else falls away and nothing else matters. He provides because His grace is endless and I am forever grateful.Much like Maya learns the command, "leave it" - I too must learn humilty and to simply leave those things that are not unifying.