I don't really recommend anyone who knows me in real life, to read this.
God's mercy to me is always amazing and incredibly humbling. As I've observed conversations on Rav, I've wanted to bang my head bloody as Christians stand up and say, "I know the Bible says that, but I just don't believe it's true," (or relevant or accurate or whatever else one can insert here). And I've wanted to scream and say, "Look if you're going to be something, be something - believe it."
I have a personal pet peeve for half-assing things. I have a personal pet peeve for buffet religions, "Yes I know Christianity believes this, but I personally am not comfortable with this, so I'll take a little Thai food with my pizza." Commitment - what happened to it?
And as I've fumed over this - the lack of commitment, study of one's faith, the lack of control or respect others have, etc etc - as I've simmered in my own Crockpot of judgment and anger, God gently put me into a real life situation where I was in the hot seat again. I was instantly transported back to my Mormon days when I would have to explain to people what I believed, only to see that smirk and a nod and, "Sure you do." Condescending attitude, the whole nine yards. And suddenly God put me back into that place.
Did I remember what it felt like to be? Did I remember real discomfort with my beliefs? With who I was? With people that called themselves Christians? Did I remember that which was not that far removed from me? Oh yes, I suddenly remembered and was completely humbled by it. The smirk, the condescending tone... And I heard the wake up call.
Commitment - that's what quite a few people in my life - non-LDS Christian and Mainstream Christians (MC) alike think of me right now. The lack of commitment to "endure to the end" and the lack of commitment to "cut ties with that cult".
Selfish - that's what they are thinking too. As I've read posts on Rav where people take a little of this, a little of that, and voila! have their own beliefs based on feelings and personal relevance I want to scream! If you're Buddhist and that Dalai Lama insists that the only "appropriate" hole for sex is the vagina (or that there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of having sex, etc) then believe it. I'm not taking any stand against any religion or what they teach as appropriate sexual relations between people, however I am stating, if you claim a religion, follow that religion, don't buffet style it. :P Yet, the plank in my eye is that I've coveted returning to Mormonism regardless that I could not believe more that it is a false, un-Christian church and have adopted Mormon cultural living here and there to inch my way closer and closer to the LDS church. Closer and closer. And yet, I become annoyed with people who center their religious beliefs around themselves. How selfish as a people are we that we think God will bend to our beliefs about Him? Anyone else think that's insane? "Yes, divine being higher elevated than myself, I'm going to create you." Yep, that sounds sane. ;)
And yet, while God humbled me and helped me get back up and realize how selfish, hypocritical, and lack of commitment, He still showed me that it'll be okay. I've opened doors and actually have the missionaries coming in two weeks. I'm really excited. I've been thinking about getting on the dinner calendar for awhile now - I think serving this community that my heart is so strongly drawn to, will do me good and help me understand the Lord's work in my life better. I also know that due to my own selfishness, pride, and bitterness in anger to those I attend church with, that I almost allowed myself to take a enormous step back into the LDS church over. Yes, my spiritual salvation is dependent on who offends me the least - another sane way to think. ;) I don't go to church for people, I go to church to learn, serve, and fellowship with other people. If some of them tick me off, hey, then there's always the avoidance dance. ;)
Want to get some knitting in, so cutting this one short. Also, anyone see the Lord's Boot Camp special? We caught part of it (the second half I believe) and I enjoyed it for the most point until you guessed it - one of the three Christian girls was deceitful for Christ. They met a Mormon family - the mom and her teen daughter, and while the adult "leader" pulled the Mom aside to argue with her, the teenaged missionary then "saved" the Mormon girl obviously against the mother's wishes. Because you know, lying, deceit, utter lack of respect for the proper authority in this girl's life - that's a great way to start a relationship with Jesus. Way to go.
Okay, off to knitting and to simmer down again. :P