Sunday, March 9, 2008

~~~xXx--SeX--xXx~~


"The XXX-rating means hard-core, the XX-rating is for simulation, and an X-rating is for comparatively cool films." (Wikki article "X" Ratings)


Don't worry - this blog won't contain ANY of that. :P The other day while I was driving home I began thinking about being authentic and transparent followers of Christ. What all does that entail? Real life. What does real life contain? Real sex. Lack of sex. Too much sex. Problems with sex. Sex, sex, sex. And more sex.

Christians are perceived as nightly missionary style sexual creatures - conservative in sex and conservative in orgasms. I realized with such a sexualized past I really haven't always been transparent in my blogging. And no - I won't be blogging about my personal intimacy with DH. You can all breathe a sigh of relief - especially those who know us in real life (IRL) because that would just be awkward!

But that brings me to my first thought - if sex is blessed and even outlined in God's Word (see Song of Solomon) then why on Earth do we shy away from talking sex with each other in the body? I'm not talking xXx rated conversations with erotic details or anything - but achieving a godly and fulfilling marriage including our sex lives? Why is it so taboo? As a former stripper to this day I am fascinated and L-O-V-E poles. To be honest, I want a pole in our home (probably the bedroom because not sure what message that would send to people) but not just for our sex life (although that does of course play a part - albeit shockingly minor) but for me personally. I loved dancing on the pole when I was a stripper - it was thrilling, awesome, fun, and healthy. Yes - healthy. I dropped three dress sizes while stripping going from a size 7/8 to a 4/5. Which is the one and only time I've ever been that lean in my entire life. I stayed with stripping long after I had come to hate the industry and people just to stay with the pole.

However, as a Christian I feel as if I should be hiding this - hiding my past, hiding my desire to own a pole, and hiding that I think they're awesome. I'm not in anyway supporting the porn/adult industry but what I am saying is that sex is apart of who we are.

As a married couple, we create a oneness, a completion to God's plan for us. Man was not complete without Eve and Eve was not complete without Adam. Together, they were one and they were complete. Yet, how did they become one? Through sex, through santification, through their everyday walk.

So why is talking about sex so taboo? I learned pretty early on how to come out of my discomfort zone about sex after five years of talking to high school students about sex in high school and then teen pregnancy that resulted from that. And they ask every question under the sun...

Couples struggle with sex, with what they might think other Christians would frown upon, upon becoming satisfied, and so on and so forth. I live in Sin City (although I really try to focus on the stories of Grace ..) so sex is quite the forefront of our culture here. Which makes it all the more important to talk about sex, about God and sex, and at the very least there to help along others who are struggling with understanding sex and it's place, and how it relates to God and our relationship with God. Young parents struggle to understand the importance of taking time to have sex, how to take the time to have sex - and when they reach out to other young parents are totally uncomfortable asking about the whole topic. Yet it needs to be talked about. People surprise me when they think I would be uncomfortable discussing sex - and I'm sure there are situations that I can think of when I'd be uncomfortable talking about sex and I wonder if they are more cultural or substantial, however I have to remind myself that they don't all know that I talked about it with high school students or that I was a stripper or a teen parent. When a Christian girlfriend of mine who is also a young parent sought my advice about her sex life I was intrigued by her total discomfort while we discussed the issue. It's just SEX - it's not like I'm sitting in their bedroom while they have it making notes to discuss with them later. It's just sex - I'm not going to visualize an image while we're talking and I'm not going to ask for erotic details, so why the discomfort? In a society that is all about sex, it seems to me that we are hopelessly unarmed and uneducated about the subject.

In the five years that I spoke to high school classes about sex I was always curious about the religious parents who would pull their kids from the entire sex class. Why? Why not come sit in on the class? Why not request the syllabus and have your own mini class at home? Why not bluntly and openly talk about sex with our kids? Would we rather find out that our kids are considering sex when they come and talk to us about it because they feel safe in doing so OR when our daughter's bellies start getting bigger?

Sex - it's a natural part of who God designed us to be, let's try to not get so hung up on it or use it to measure how spiritual or mature we are. ;)

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