In the St. George temple visitors' center, they show the new Joseph Smith movie (Prophet of a Restoration I believe is the title). At either the beginning or the end (it's been two summers now since we saw it...) they include a quote from Emerson that says, "
It is the office of a true teacher to show us that God is, not was; that He speaketh, not spake." I remember with such conviction nodding my head (and if it was after the movie, while I clutched a wad of tissue :P ).
One huge problem I had with non-LDS "Christians" were that I believed - from my own bias and what the LDS church taught me, that Protestants didn't believe God spoke to anyone anymore, the modern revelation was heresy. Even though my best friend was always talking about "revelations" and how God was speaking into her life, I just couldn't get past my own ideas of what Protestants believes and it didn't help that the larger church her church belonged to was included in Rick Ross' list of cultists (but hey, who don't Christians believe are cultists these days?).
And so, during times when I wonder just how much of a Christian I am right this moment, God speaks. Not spoke. Not silent. He speaks into my life. It's always the little things that make me wonder and awe.
Recently, I've been listening to another GP series called, Wrecked. It's another one I'll have to upload and link to - another must listen. I hear legalism jumping out at me again a ton in this sermon, but I also feel convicted of so many other areas of my life as well. Like my pursuits. I've wondered over the past fall and winter, why I don't seem to be transforming in such a radical way that I did in the beginning, why God isn't moving and aweing me in such amazing ways again. And while I listened to Wrecked - I realized He was, I just wasn't appreciating what He has been doing, because my pursuit hasn't been the kingdom of heaven, but rather other things. From a video iPod, to tv programming, to me time to read, sleep in, or shake this bug I've had for two weeks. I've been pursing myself, not God or His Kingdom. No wonder I'm not noticing when He blesses us, safe guards us, speaks to me, or wows me. At the bottom of this blog is a video using Lifehouse's song, "Everything". It always moves me to tears because of the enduring love of Christ put into a beautiful dance, however as I've thought more about it, I recalled how in the beginning the girl is so in love with God, she is walking with Him closely, He is aweing her and wowing her, and almost in a way romancing her. Then, she begins to take her gaze off Him and she doesn't notice His actions in her life.
How much am I like that? We don't live in the worst neighborhood, but we don't live in the best one either, for sure not a neighborhood I could ever trust my doors unlocked even when I'm home (of course I am a bit paranoid at times :P ). Christmas time is always a time of heightened break ins, and we went away to Pahrump for the day last weekend to come home and discover our front door had been unlocked the whole day. I didn't even acknowledge God's hand in safe guarding our home, I just locked it and made a mental note to remember to check all the locks before leaving again. Which I've done faithfully, but it was only today - almost a full week later, that as I was locking our front door, did I realize how God had been so present in our lives.
Today, I bundled up (not that cold here right now, but I've got the shivers a bit) and walked the kids to their favorite park that's only 2-3 blocks away. I didn't plan on being gone long but always pack drinks and snacks for the kids. While packing my little backpack today, I felt this prompting to add two more drinks and another pack of crackers to the bag. I didn't understand, my kids would be lucky to finish one pack of crackers and each their own drinks, why pack extra? But then I thought about recent sermons I'd listened to on obediance so I went ahead and added them to my little pack. We walked to the park and it was empty - just how we like it. I hate how shy I've become. After we'd been there awhile, another mom and her two children showed up. A little while later, Paul and Anya came up to me and asked me for their snacks and juice. As my kids were chowing down, Conner and Braden (the two little boys who had come) were asking their mom for juice and crackers too. I realized that this was a chance to perhaps talk more with this mom - I began thinking about how we are to live the gospel, not just read it. So I took my extra food and drinks and offered them to her. It was awesome to be able to step up and know that the Lord had known about this moment before I even knew which park I would make it to.
This is so tiny to me and so huge at the same time. As a mom of two toddlers, I know how badly I feel when I take the kids somewhere and they see a snack or juice and I haven't planned for their snacks and drinks. To be able to serve someone practically is something I very much enjoy, and it helps me take a step outside of myself and my shyness.
I realize that God has radically transformed me, I just have to be willing to examine myself a little bit better. I suppose I have this tendency to hear about how God has transformed others and think to myself, "Why doesn't He change me so dramatically as well?" - but He does, and it's a little bit everyday.
He speaks to me everyday, I just have to realize that He is speaking. He convicts me everyday of what His will is in my life, I just have to be willing to obey Him.