This morning I stumbled around looking around for my house phone which was oddly missing from it's base. I found it and saw that I had a missed call at almost 10 pm last night - from my parents. My heart skipped a beat. Except on Christmas Eve or when babies are being born - I've never known them to be up that late at night. Well, couldn't avoid them - called them back.
Anya forgot her beloved baby doll at Jim and Grace's house. Ah my heart rate returned to normal. Wasn't there supposed to be some peace somewhere in this whole thing?
We hung up the phone. But later I called her back to schedule let her know I could take her to a hair appointment. And guess what came tumbling out? "Mamau, there's something I've been meaning to tell you... we've left the LDS church..."
"What?! Steve's left the LDS church?! Oh sweetheart, we'll keep him our prayers..."
God has quite the sense of humor. He just didn't want to make it easy on me. While the conversation was painfully slow it was also incredibly fast at the same time. It seemed over all too quickly and like slowly pulling teeth at the same time.
Was this God's time or my own? It seemed everything we discussed we had to go over two and three times and still she didn't seem to understand what I was saying. I thought I was being clear that we had left the LDS church six months ago, that we had discussed it with the Bishop, and that we were being obedient to God now.
The theme was the same throughout the entire conversation - she assumed we must be going through a hard time. That I was under too much stress and that Satan was attacking us during this hard time - I had to remind her that we had left the LDS church six months ago - when we were in callings we loved and were totally excited about (Steve was in the Young Men's presidency - totally pumped about it and I was in charge of getting the women to the Cannery and working with our Emergency Preparedness Specialist) . I have a really hard time standing up to my parents about the things that are important - I can argue with them about politics and child rearing but not about important things like say religion which until now, we've never disagreed on. Mostly, I think it's because when I was so rebellious before, I "stood up to them" and was so wrong on everything - so I've swung the opposite direction and become a doormat in some respects.
I didn't want to debate them in doctrine but I didn't want to "wimp out" for the Lord either, so I tried my best to have wisdom and hoped that the Lord would simply give me the words that I needed and the courage that I knew I lacked.
I'm not sure they understand that we are attending a different church and I'm not sure they understand yet that we are going to remove our names from the church rolls (in fact - I sent the request off for my named removed just this afternoon) - Mamau was very emotional about this - understandably so. One moment she was almost directing me to remove my name from the church rolls because I boldly told her, "I don't believe it's true" and in another moment telling me to keep my name on the roll list because I won't be able to be in heaven with her if I don't accept the truth on the other side.
God is in control from here on out - I'm just hoping I don't fumble the ball. I guess I'm on my way to my own "Nineveh" now. Where's that rockin' vegetable rock band to keep me entertained for the trip?