Monday, August 20, 2007

Nucleus Upload

I haven't blogged in awhile - partly because my husband has been sick going on three weeks now. When Steve's sick - it always seems it's for the long haul. So while I've had things on my mind, I haven't felt up to blogging in a bit.

Next weekend I have a family member who is getting baptized into the LDS church. I haven't a clue what to get her - whether I should give her something written by and/or for LDS or perhaps a a good Bible study to encourage her to get into the Bible. Or how to react. My parents, still in the dark regarding my "apostasy" fully expect me to be there showing support and perhaps bearing my testimony (at LDS baptisms, while the person being baptized changes from the wet baptism clothes - white coveralls - to dry clothes, members usually take turns sharing their testimonies).

Also during the past few weeks, I've been feeling a call to repentance and forgiveness. While reading in my "Intimate Issues" book, I've been reading about people who realized they had unrepented sins or had feelings of anger or unforgiveness towards others. I know that I've longed battled with unforgiveness towards my mother and a few others. However, how to resolve these things? Prayer.

And recently I just have had a hard time praying - whether it be telling the Lord about my day or just praying with real belief. I feel like I'm in a slump and the only way out is where I'm having the most trouble.

Yesterday, I briefly spoke with Steve about this pulling still left in the LDS church. It seems the more I understand how false it is on almost every level - the more pull I feel back towards it. It's very bothering but right now - with the slump I feel trapped in - I'm not sure how to shake it.
The missionaries dropped by a few nights ago - and even though Steve was sick - he talked with them. To him, the conversation was so easy - "Elders, I don't believe the Book of Mormon is false."

"Well Brother Hommel, there is no gray area. It's either true or false."

"I know. I believe it's false."

I was very proud of him for being able to speak the truth and yet still be friendly with the missionaries. My cousin just returned from his mission in Germany and I just hate the thought of anyone being rude to him simply because he was a missionary for the LDS church. Hopefully, I will become as balanced and able to speak the truth as he has.

Small groups start soon at GP and I'm looking forward to getting plugged into an intimate fellowship with other believers. The small group we've been attending for almost a year now has become a second family to us and I really hope Steve and I can fellowship with others at GP the same way. Steve's planning a "guy's night" with the movie "300" (ughh....) so it'll be interesting to see who all he invites.

Finally, I'm on some kind of cleaning obessesion. And not just like, cleaning with mops and brooms and vinegar - but cleaning out my house. Today I spent four hours organizing the kids' toys and sifting through what could be thrown away, given away, or sold in a garage sale. I've cleaned out almost all of my LDS stuff (but as always - I'm just always surprised how much I have of it and where all it is). Which, is harder than I thought. There are still a few items which I do NOT want to get rid of. Including my "Work and the Glory" trilogy that I own. Ah! I love those movies, but they glorify Joseph Smith and possibly twist LDS history so much, I don't know if it's wise to keep them. But ah! I love those movies so much! And they are impossible to find at Blockbuster so it's not like I could get a "fix" anytime. I just feel so much more in control and secure with keeping a few selected items. Yet it seems, each time I riffle through each item, I find atleast one little thing that is just entireally unBiblical or refers back to something unBiblical. And of course, there are our temple recommends. Tempty little devils. :P Anya dunked them in the toliet and I still cannot throw them away. Ah!

Okay, enough self indulgence. Back to cleaning for me.

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