In my Patriarchal Blessing, I was told that I would serve many missions and share the gospel with those in places where I labored. Now, this was a bit confusing because in the LDS church, adults can only really serve two missions. One before they are married and are young (men 19, women 21 - of course they can be older, but these are the minimum ages) and again when their children are grown and out of the house and then they are called "Sr. Missionaries". Since Steve and I came to the LDS church after we were married, we would then have to wait until the kids were grown before we could serve.
Last night, while driving home from work, I began pondering again about the whole idea of Bible schools and/or seminary. At that point I remembered my blessing and the call to "several missions". Now, I really wanted to serve an 18 month mission and personally I cannot think of anything better than telling people about God and His grace and love full time - but at the same time, the idea of missions make me a bit queasy. At the same time, I want to serve the Lord and go and do whatever He calls and asks of me - but man, I cannot imagine what it means to be a Christian missionary and how they operate.
But at the same time - what am I doing with Ron? What do I hope to do with pregnant teens? When the Lord told me to think about the forgotten and remember them, what exactly did I think He meant by that? What are we, Christians, except missionaries?
I've learned that spiritual maturity is not about head knowledge - but rather obediance. I know I want to attend school and prefer it were in theology since I love studying, reading, and learning overall and this would be so incredibly fulfilling. However, if it's just my flesh desire and not God's will, then I'm not maturing at all, but taking a step back.
Of course, it's so much easier to acknowledge this than to obey.