Shutting Down

I have been maintaining four blog sites - two MySpace profiles (because my original one was BANNED from the R&P!), a Blogger account, and a Wordpress account.

Therefore, I will no longer be updating three of my blogging accounts - this being one of them.

However, I am on Facebook (see my profile here) and will regularly update my Wordpress account. Thank you to everyone who has been reading along and I hope that you'll continue to read along on Wordpress (or Facebook since it automatically updates from my Wordpress acount).

The Link between Education and Religion (or lack of)

At the very good advice of a fellow Rav poster (thank you Gwlana!) I have ordered Marcus Borg's book, Reading the Bible for the First Time: Taking the Bible Seriously but not Literally in hopes of finding some more understanding of various understandings of the Bible. As a student, I wonder - do we only take the Bible so literally because we are not properly educated and can distinctively separate faith and fact? One study regarding religion and education stated, "But across religious groups or denominations, church attendance declines with education" (Glaeser and Sacerdote, 2002). The forty page study reviews the connection between education, social skills, and religion citing Episcopalians as the "most educated" denomination and Baptists as the "least educated". The authors observe that, "many Christian ideas explicitly downplay the value of secular success, and as a result people who come from higher belief denominations invest less in secular education" (Glaeser and Sacredote, 1002).


When I think back to my various church experiences - it is within the LDS church that education is stressed. From Enrichment Activities meant to further educate the women of the Church in various ways, to Institute which educates in the official and applicable theology of the Church, to finally the consistent encouragement to receive a higher education (meaning college). If those who are more educated are less likely to be involved in religion, specifically Christian religions, why would this one particular church encourage their members to have a "house of learning" ( Doctrine and Covenants, 109:8) ?


I know that a few of you probably think I am a "fence sitter" - never making a decision if I want to be LDS, a Protestant, or something else altogether. To be perfectly honest, I see no logical reason to believe in Christianity. There is no proof behind the flawed system, there is little unity in the believers, and the application varies from one extreme of openly homosexual leaders to homosexual members being excommunicated (to borrow from LDS language but not point towards them) from their churches. The whole system is frustrating and honestly, I would be perfectly happy to walk away from the whole thing. However, to be an atheist - really and truly, one cannot believe in God. And I do. I do believe in God, even if I do not believe in everything else everyone is preaching.


It's an age old question that probably everyone who really considers their faith and where it leads them in life, considers. Where would God have me and honestly, can I stomach it when I would much rather be a spiritual hobo than connected to all the whining bloggers about Obama? It's a question that Joseph Smith asked and we know what Jesus said:

I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all awrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those bprofessors were all ccorrupt; that: “they ddraw near to me with their lips, but their ehearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the fcommandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the gpower thereof.” (Joseph Smith History, 1:19)


Currently I am working on a paper regarding historical Christianity, which I believe has over the years become exactly what Jesus says above, having a form of godliness yet who deny the real power of God. I want to do an in depth study of historical Christianity for my essay and see if this changes my stance at all. Finally, I feel quite honestly embarrassed that I left the LDS church only to a year later was ready to return. While I feel that the journey has certainly grown me in many ways, I also feel that I lost quite a bit in the journey as well. I am not going to embark on a new journey without sufficient cause and am quite content to remain where I am until I have come to a well thought out, logical, conclusion.


I believe that the LDS church is the ONE and TRUE church (still leaving room for other Christians of course within the body of believers) but I want to explore this belief before I truly commit to it.

School and the New Project

Currently I am enrolled in Distance Education to complete my Bachelor's degree and have just finished the first round of classes, of course being that the courses are all back to back, I have also just started my next round of courses as well.

I stressed for weeks over my final projects in each class and submitted them this past weekend. Like an obsessed nut job, I have been checking my grades for these projects several times a day. Tonight, I recieved my first project grade back and screamed when I saw it. I earned 100% on the project, which in itself was very rewarding, but was furthered rewarded by the compliments the professor left for me. She stated that my project was the best one she had recieved and wanted to use it for future courses as an example.

During these classes, professors have the students turn in checkpoints to show their progression on the project; this is my first week in a new class and had to choose the topic for my next (final) project. This class is an essay writing class and I will be writing an expository essay on a topic of my choosing. To be honest, I am not entirely sure how excited I am to be writing a paper on religion; I write enough blogs on religion that one would think I would be sick of writing about it. However, the specific topic I have chosen to write about will actually help me in my journey to understand Christianity.

I'm including my "essay" explaining my topic for the final below.

The Controversy of Historical Christianity
By: Amanda Hommel

In 2005 National Public Radio (NPR) did a piece on scholar and New Testament historian, Bart Ehrman and his new bestselling book, Misquoting Jesus: the Story behind Who Changed the Bible (Terry Gross, 2005). I have long held interest in early Christianity, the New Testament, and the impacts that this movement has created in culture and society. Promptly I ordered Ehrman's book from my local library and dove right in. The book was everything NPR had stated it would and I became a fan this New Testament historian.

For my expository essay I would like to address the controversy of historical Christianity. Darrick T. Evenson states in his book, The Gainsayers, that early Christians were considered a cult. From the very birth of the movement, it has been controversial. The questions are - what impact has this had on surrounding culture, politics, and society? How has the history of this "in the world, but of it" movement danced with the world? Ehrman states that many of the New Testament manuscripts were intentionally altered to support political theology of the times, for example, three passages are called into question regarding the Trinity - a staple of many Christian denominations. How did Christians move from persecuted cultists, blamed by Nero in 64 AD for setting fire to Rome to the time of open embrace of the Emperor Constantine in 312 AD? How has their history of persecution framed the Christian movement?

Finally, what - if any, evidence stands that this movement is any more than an overgrown weed of a rumor by a few devastated disciples who could not accept the death of their prophet?

A Cheerful Heart

In the last month, two people that I respect have talked about how they don't allow their children to watch Spongebob. One said he was gay and says some inappropriate things during the show, another stated that characters in the show are vulgar, picking their noses, farting, burping, etc. This had me mildly worried that Steve and I were becoming one of those parents - you know the ones who allow their children to watch obviously inappropriate things.
The other day while we were all watching Spongebob, Steve commented, "We should all be more like Spongebob. He always has such a positive outlook."
I began to think this over. Sure, characters in Spongebob display some behavior that I don't like - from greed (Mr. Crabs), to being nasty and self centered (Squidworth) - not to mention the regular farting, burping, nose picking, etc. They do show drunkenness as a bad thing - the characters who occasionally get drunk, usually on ice cream or bubbles, are in extremely bad shape afterwards.
However, Steve had a point - Spongebob is always cheerful. I noticed in the Stranglerepisode that while he was picking up a large amount of litter, instead of saying, "Those stupid kids! Don't they know where the damn trash can is?!", he took a more cheerful approach, "Hahahaha, those silly kids. Must have fallen out of their pockets."
When Squidworth is mean to him, Spongebob is always kind in return. When others need help, Spongebob is always ready to help them, cheerfully of course. Even in the Best Day Everepisode, Spongebob's best day revolves around his friends, not around himself. In an episode with Plankton, Spongebob tries to look past the "villain" mask that Plankton wears to see a lonely person in need of a friend and then acts on this, befriending Plankton and teaching him what "F.U.N." means. If we sift through the everyday living that the show has, there are some really great values being taught. (Not to imply at all that the show itself is educational.)
This sent me back to the scriptures where there are several references to being cheerful:
Proverbs 15:13A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.Proverbs 15:15All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.
Proverbs 15:30A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.Proverbs 17:22A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.Romans 12:8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.2 Corinthians 9:7Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
I felt some nudges from God about controlling my tongue more, yet have been ignoring Him. There is this co-worker at my work who drives me crazy. Every time I work with him, even for the 15 minutes our shifts overlap, I just want to bang my head against something blunt. Even now, I just want to list everything he does that drives me absolutely CRAZY! However, trying to think about this young man from God's eyes, I realize he is just lonely and seeking attention.
I have not shyed away from making my distaste for him known, both to him, my manager and Papau, and my co-workers, the whole while knowing this isn't a godly approach to what is driving me insane. As I think about what God has shown me through what some believe is a vulgar child's program, I am ashamed to say I lost my humility a long time ago. Spongebob may not try to teach my kids their "ABCs" or numbers, or shapes, or colors, or music (gotta love those Little Einsteins!) but he does teach me humility and being of a cheerful spirit.

6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.
(Titus 2:6-8)

Grrr... Relief Society

I had the chance to attend two of my block meetings today. It's the first Sunday I've had off in months, so I was really excited. My best friend recently informed me that she wanted to read more of what God was doing in my life as opposed to what I am always thinking about. So today was a chance for me to attend GP's first service and then go to my LDS services and sort of compare how I feel and if God was speaking to me (and what He was saying) at both places on the same day.

Grace Point's series right now is about how the Christmas story is for everyone, especially people with a past (or secrets). I didn't feel very interested in the sermon itself, but felt very grateful for the message and the reminder. Now, this isn't a negative point about Grace Point, rather a personal observation, but because Pastor Hudson is always reminding us about God's mercy, grace, and love; it's almost a message that is taken for granted (by me). (Does that make sense? I really appreciate the drastic contrast to "fire and brimstone" preaching that many think of within conservative Christianity.)

A few months ago, I was upset with Grace Point and even considered leaving because one particular sermon briefly mentioned the teachings of other religions. This is a super, perhaps even hyper sensitive area for me. I hate it with a passion when other churches discuss those who believe differently than themselves. You might even say I loose all common sense in my outrage.
So today during Relief Society when the teacher began discussing other churches (she doesn't say in so many words Protestant Christian churches, but it was implied) and another member criticised the Catholic church over their voting directions I was beyond outraged. It makes me wonder if I am blinded by a romantic view of the LDS church and perhaps today's lesson in RS was simply the real application and perhaps even teachings of the LDS church. I have noticed General Conferences become more defensive, more apologetic in nature. Yet, I don't truly believe that the LDS church would encourage it's members to teach or even behave as they did today within the walls of the RS room.

I'll try to explain a little more. Today's lesson was about seeking and gaining knowledge in eternal truths (you can read the lesson here). It was a great lesson and had so much potential to remind us to be in the world but not of it, to be immovable in our beliefs, and to constantly be seeking Heavenly Father, His will, and a more intimate relationship with Him through prayer and study. It could have been an amazing, Spirit filled discussion.

But it was not.

It was about how other churches teach anti-Mormon classes (not sure how exactly she phrased this), how other churches limit their beliefs by creeds, etc (this part is in the lesson but the delivery was far from loving or kind), and how other churches seem to forget the loving kindness and tender mercies of Heavenly Father and are always teaching on the wrath of God. This greatly disturbed me because my Gospel Doctrine class had mentioned this as well - the same line of thought within the space of 2 hours. And just today I had been marveling without any gratitude at how yet again Pastor Hudson was preaching another sermon on God's mercy, grace, and love. So he doesn't use the term, "tender mercies" but the teaching is the same. One member shared her thoughts on the rigid teachings of the Catholic church and how it impaired their members because their members were told how to vote and this could sometimes conflict with their social lives, etc. WHAT?! I remember wanting to scream at this lady, "Yeah and what about Prop. 8 in CA?"

Members discussed how because churches limited themselves to certain ideas, etc. that they were not open minded and that this was a bad thing. WHAT?! I can remember Young Women themes (it's a yearly thing) and even Relief Society themes on being IMMOVABLE. How is this ANY different? If the room had been larger, like Grace Point's main worship area, I would have stood up and left. I was livid. This was the church I was so aching to return to?! What was I thinking?

Even as angry as I was, I tried to think in terms of God speaking to me. What was He saying to me? Since I've written my last blog, I've been asked to do two different things at Grace Point, out of seemingly nowhere. Of course I've been asked to volunteer again there. Of course. Is this a God thing? Not sure. And of course the first time in over a month or two of my last exciting and great visit to the Church, it goes horribly, seethingly, wrong. I couldn't get out of the building, much less the parking lot fast enough.

I'm angry. I really really want to return to the Church. However, I absolutly do not want to return to a ward of people who don't even think non-Mormons would be in spirit PARADISE but rather spirit prision (aka hell). This boggles the mind. More thinking to do. And of course, this was the very center, the very heart, of why I left the LDS church in the first place. I guess I'll be at Grace Point longer than I had planned.

On Saturday a lady from GP said to me (something along these lines), that when we thinking indpenedntly, we are thinking indenpendt from God. Great thoughts, hard application.

I caught the Twilight bug...

I caught the Twilight bug. It was totally unintentional and I wasn't even interested in the young adult books. In fact, it took the proding of my husband to even get me to be interested in seeing the movie or reading the books. Just didn't look like my kind of reading - apologetic, non-fictional, historical, or other Christian study books. Just not me. I don't read fiction anymore, too mindless and boring. Yuh-huh... I was very wrong.






We went and saw the movie at the end of November, and I was vaguely interested in reading the book. The movie seemed to hiccup and I wondered if there was more to it. So I picked up the first book at Wal-Mart for $7. It looked like it had been cut wrong and was probably discounted because of it's weird shape and crooked pages. I didn't care. I finished it in less than two days. Reading at every stop light, on every break at work, staying up late at night. I love to read but I haven't read like this since I was in college or maybe even highschool. There just hasn't been enough time or anything that has held my interest. I finished the whole series in less than a week. Even read the partial of Midnight Sun on Meyer's official website.

After I devoured the book, as I pondered the whole hype involved with the fans, I wondered since this book was being deemed the next Harry Potter, if conservative Evangelical Christians would react the same as they had to HP. Meyer is also a devout Mormon, and I wondered how much this would play into the equation.

Both Joseph Smith, Jr. and Brigham Young taught that we (LDS) are to seek Truth, wherever it may come from. A lot of non-LDS Christians, and even some LDS, have wrongly interpreted this to mean that we (LDS) are to go gallivant with the Devil and other things ungodly, totally unhindered because we are "seeking" Truth. While I write this, I think of a particular poster on the MAD boards who practices witchcraft/magic and is a temple holding LDS. This is between him and God, although the LDS church is very clear on it's teachings that members should have nothing to do with the Devil or his tools, trappings, etc on this Earth (think Tarrot cards or palm readings). Many conservatives are discussing how if Meyer was a Biblical Christian she wouldn't be writing something like this - glorifying vampires (because you know, they're soooo real and as such we just cannot glorify those evil demons... :P ). Whatever happened to interesting fiction with parental supervision? If one has a stumbling block of demons, the occult, etc. then use your own best judgement and don't read it.

Andrew C. Skinner and Robert L. Millet, C. S. Lewis, the Man and His Message: An
LDS Perspective , p.6
At the same time, we are eager to find truth
wherever we can and excited to acknowledge it from whomever it flows. Joseph
Smith stated: "One of the grand fundamental principles of `Mormonism' is to
receive truth, let it come from whence it may." As
Latter-day Saints we are in an interesting and somewhat awkward position in the
Christian world. We claim divine apostolic authority and claim to be possessors
of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. At the same time, we fully acknowledge
that God is working His will through men and women throughout the earth, and
that "every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in
Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know
with a perfect knowledge it is of God" (Moro. 7:16). President
Ezra Taft Benson explained that our Heavenly Father uses the people of the
earth, especially good people, to accomplish His purposes. "It has been true in
the past, it is true today, it will be true in the
future."

What I love about this is that the LDS church does acknowledge how God uses those outside of the Church. This is the correct understanding of seeking Truth, "let it come from whence it may" and other simiular teachings. I also take this, for me personally, that we are to understand that just as the Bible states that the rocks cry out in testimony to Him, so do those apart from the Church. Personally, I take no issue with that. Regardless if they are "Christian" or not, they can still have partial Truth, just not whole Truth.

In the last few weeks, I have been thinking long and hard about returning to the LDS church. There are few reasons as to why I do not, the most basic being family and time. Currently, I am filling a shift on Sunday and so it leaves me without time to attend my ward's block meeting. Second, my husband doesn't want to return to the LDS church and he doesn't want to worship seperatly. Although I am sure we could negotiate if my schedule allowed it.

As I've pondered this return, I've considered what family, friends, and those who attend Grace Point with me would think or say. My stomache churns as I think of having to wear my apologetic hat for awhile to explain to everyone why I left Grace Point and returned to the LDS church. It makes me tired, cranky, and depressed.

Then I began to read blogs that attacked Twilight based solely on Meyer being LDS and the bloggers claiming that the Twiligh saga was simply an indoctrination of Mormon doctrines. Huh? As I read their point by point outlines on why they believe this, my mind is blown away, my jaw becomes rigid, and my temper burns. I read the lines about the LDS church's "rigid teachings on abstience" and I want to punch a hole in the wall. When the hell did waiting become a bad thing? If people don't live by their beliefs, being inmoveable, then why do they have those beliefs in the first place? Live according to belief, that isn't a bad thing and certainly not warrented to be considered "rigid". It would probably do more non-LDS churches good to be more "rigid" regarding abstience. I'm not saying this works for everyone, but c'mon, have a standard and stick to it. Atleast the Church is pretty up front about their standards.

As my anger calmed down, I realized how cold I grown to apologetics. It really simply annoys me now. And I realize that that is unhealthy. For months now, I've wanted to try to line up my Mormon beliefs with Protestant ones. Finally, I realized, WHY? Why do I care if anyone from Grace Point thinks I'm out of my mind for returning to the LDS church? Why do I care if my beliefs line up with Protestant ones? I'm past the point of considering myself a Protestant anymore and wholly identify as a Latter Day Saint. So, who gives a flip if a Protestant disagrees with me? I recently read a fantastic blog on being a "Christian". It was written by a Latter Day Saint and bluntly outlined that sure, Protestants, Catholics, and others disagreed that Mormons were Christians, but really, who cares? It's not like they can take away our Christianity. Why let it get to us so? Why allow Satan to use this as a point of contention? Paul only councilled to be ready with an answer for what we believe, not that we are to go on the offense or forever be defensive about our beliefs.

This is where Satan comes into play. Yet another move into apostasy. Taking what is good, right, and Biblical, and twisting it into something divise and ungodly. Attack, attack, attack. I'm sick of it all. Sure, there are plenty of people who believe what critics of the LDS church write, otherwise, those authors wouldn't sell books and those readers would be LDS. But I don't. And in the end, I am only responsible for my own personal relationship with God. We are to work out our own "salvation with fear and trembling." (Philipians 2:12) Not everyone else's.
I think at this point, I lean more towards Calvinism and of course, take comfort in the Spirit Kingdom where people can still accept Christ and live eternity with Him.

So people don't believe the LDS church is the only True Church? That's fine. God can still work through them, with them, and walk with them. I know that now without being threatened that I'm in a false church. I am grateful for this journey through the Protestant world, and don't see myself withdrawing from it as it's been a vitual part of my growth and understanding. I am happy serving when asked in Grace Point and am at peace with knowing I don't agree with most of the teachings there, but can still take much from them through the Spirit.

A Mess

This blog is just going to be a mess. Sorry ahead of time to any of you reading. I've been behind in everything - including blogging. First the biggest news....

Our original small group leader, Donny had the brilliant idea that if we all chipped in, we could fly Steve's twin brother, Dan and his family (Jessica - wife, and sons Andrew and Noah) out to Vegas for the holidays. We discussed it with Dan and Jess and we have officially purchased the plane tickets. It's official - they are coming home in December for a week.

This is a huge deal for us. For those who know us, know our history with Dan and Jess. We were really close when Steve and I were engaged and

married during that first year. Then Steve converted to Mormonism, I reactivated, and they, being conservative Evangelical Christians, were greatly opposed. It really devestated our relationship with them for almost four years.

The last year that they were living here, we finally began to get that relationship back, attending the same small group at Donny's house each Sunday night, and overall just becoming very close again. When Dan graduated from college, he couldn't find work here in Vegas that would meet his family's needs, so they moved to Iowa. This was around February 2007. It was an incredible blessing for them, because they've made outstanding friends, they've had the blessing to be a part of a church plant (even phone conferenced with our pastor at Grace Point, Devin Hudson on church planting), and Dan even gives the sermons when the Pastor is away. We are really looking forward to their visit; I know Steve is especially looking forward to worshipping side by side with Dan.

Our nephew, Andy (pictured above) has food allergies. During the time that we became closer, I became more aware of Andy's FA and tried to make sure our house was extra safe for him. Since I do have OCPD, I did tend to obsess a little about how "safe" our home was for their visits (we're talking 9 hour cleaning sessions and three Costco sized bottles of disinfecting wipes). This is no different, although I am getting to do things around the house that I've wanted to do for a very long time, years even.

First, we were blessed by some really great friends that we were able to get our floors and couches professionally cleaned at a tiny price. They are awesome. After the floors were cleaned, it was an easy next step to finally convince my husband to seal the floors. Some pictures below:BEFORE the cleaning and sealing. (And some after.)

The tile on the left is in original condition, the tile on the right is how the WHOLE floor looked."]

After the first coat! We missed a few spots, but looking 100% better."]

Our friend Donny has agreed to come out and help us paint. We were given free paint to paint our home with and are going to our local Sherwin Williams to have it tinted a pale green (Withered Moss) and a java bean brown (Mocha Syrup). The kids will be with the granparentsso it'll be a perfect time to get this done and then hit a movie while the paint dries. I'll have to take pictures after we paint and post them.

We might even get lucky enough to redo our backyard (again). Third times a charm right? While looking for pictures of Dan and Jess, I came across what our yard used to look like. Sigh - I miss it.

So that's all the big huge news that I am ultra excited about. In other news, just as exciting for me (and humbling) I've been really awakened by God to a lot of things around me. I was literally woken up from sleep by Him. It was quite the rude and yet much needed awakening. With all the wonderful blessings in our life right now, I've really lost track of the intimate relationship I need to have with Him. For example, I have been greatly blessed to have lost 40 lbsand so far, have kept it off. Instead of looking to God and thanking Him for his abundance in this area, I have simply remained discontented and dependent upon myself. Thinking that I need to eat more protien, less carbs, do more work and stressing about everything that goes into my mouth. My goal of loosing 35 more lbs is secular and worldly, not a goal that will glorify God or respect Him by taking care of the body He has gifted me with. Weight loss, exercise, and diet have become glorified idols in my life that I think about day and night. He brought me back to the fact that my biking time and exercise time need to be focused and centered on Him. I used to listen to worship music and The Bible Experience when I biked and did my yoga. Now I listen to whatever I want. I don't look for that communion with Him. I need to return to my time with Him. I've been so focused on the house, the way I look, and school that I've been largely self centered and now God focused or focused on others. God made this point strongest by bringing my best friend to mind. She's always such a wonderful example of a woman living everyday for Jesus.

Our friendship is an extremely unlikely one that I can only attribute to God. The Mormon and the die hard fundie Evangelical who just knew all Mormons were unsaved. Two strongly opinionated women who came together as friends back in 2006 (wow going on 3 years in March!) and have shared an amazing faith walk together. She always listens to my ramble on and on about the things in my life, unimportant really things. But she listens. I realized I was doing more and more talking with this very vivid dream that God gave me and less and less listening. In the dream Barbie stated, "I've been praying to God for a while about our friendship. And through you, He has answered me really clearly." And while she was saying this I was acting like Michael from The Office - whooping and hollering and not hearing a word she said. It was devastating to me to realize what a lousy friend I had been.

Especially since this is not God's only call to grace in my life recently. He has been ever so patiently reminding me that I lack grace with others. Yes, my neighbors are being abusive to us, but so what? It doesn't matter in the long run. In eternity, we all want to be in heaven with God. So James Dobson is being a cruel bully and an idiot by encouraging unChristian behavior with retailers due to his hissy fit - so what? God will judge him, and as much as he annoys me (I'd love to put duct tape on that man's mouth) - I am not his judge. I can simply turn the radio off when he comes on and try to be more action oriented in my protests of him (ie - show kindness where he leaves cruelty). So I feel overwhelmed with school, work, motherhood, being a wife and keeper of the home, and trying to get some alone time with God on my bike? I need to give it to God, not cut His time out of my life. And I need to be more proactive and creative about getting time with Him. I need to stop being legalistic of the things I do and don't do and return to being heart driven by the things I do. That means serving - even people I don't like or don't want to serve.

As I shared portions of this with Barbie, she shared with me that God was doing a similar wakening with her. Different stuff, but the message was the same - more grace, more intimacy with God. It always amazes both of us how God moves us in similar directions, gives us similar messages at the same time in our lives. This gives us the chance to serve one another, help one another, and to stay on the path together.

As a Catholic, she feels so intimate with God during the Eucharist and yet feels that the worship time of the Catholic church pales compared to the Protestant way of worship. I thought on this with her and realized how strongly the Spirit is within Protestant churches during worship. The swell of the music to the quiet of acoustics, the lyrics, the united front to worship God - it's all very well amazing. Compared to the quiet reverence of hymns, I can certainly see how this would pale. Yet, she made the point that Worship is to Protestants what the Eucharist (should be) is for Catholics. I thought back to the LDS church and felt that within the LDS church, that the temple is the ultimate place for such intimacy and moving. For me, the most powerful moment I've ever had with God was during my endowment ceremony. I could literally FEEL Him there with me and it's a moment I'll never forget.

So, where is God then? Is He within the Protestant worship or the Catholic Eucharist or the LDS temples? Where is He? Since God is God, why is He not within them all? Within usall? If The Holy Spirit indwells us, which all three groups would agree, then why can we not be connected and intimate with God in any of these settings? As usual, God reminds me of unity and grace. Some are called within the Catholic church - a beautiful, reverent place dating back to the earliest Christians and their traditions. Others are called to the Protestant churches - passionate people who focus everyday living on God. And then there are some, like me, who are called to the LDS church. A quiet church that focuses on missional living (a Protestant term yes, but it perfectly describes the LDS church) and living Christ centered lives. All people in these groups love the Lord, love the Redeemer and their Creator. It seems to me, that Jesus stated that we are to believe who He is - the Savior and Redeemer of the world, and that we are to give all we have in following Him. At the end of the day, I'll be worshipping side by side with my husband at Grace Point, but my heart is turned towards the Mormon church. I strive for unity within my family, rather than division over beliefs. I have to believe that God will honor that. More importantly, instead of longing for my home within the LDS church, I have to make the best of where I am now. I cannot deny that God moved us to Grace Point. I don't think the return to the LDS church will come until my life has reached the end of it's transformation within the ministry that GP offers (this is not to imply that my transformation will be complete, just complete within GP's ministry). Instead of looking back to what was and forward to what I want to be, I need to look to now and make the best of where I am.

There are amazing people on the journey at GP, people I could learn from and grow with. In the end, our heart is to be towards God and grow on this journey we call faith.